The Investigator's Assistant
by BellatrixLestrangey
Summary: Halloween request from a tumblr anon; "Icy as a supernatural investigator and Bloom as the one tagging along because its cool. They stumble upon the ghost of the deceased owner's wife and Bloom hits on her and makes lecherous comments towards her, meanwhile Icy is just annoyed that Bloom flirts with her."


"Now, since I'm letting you tag along, you better behave and take this seriously." Icy stated as she slung her bag of equipment over her shoulder. "The supernatural is not to be toyed with. This isn't a game and I'm sure professor Zarathustra won't appreciate it if you make her son's ghost situation worse. And I wouldn't appreciate it if I were to suddenly fail potions class for it." Icy paused, "are you even listening to me?" As it would seem, Bloom's attention was focused everywhere save for being on the witch.

"Sorry, what? Did you see those trees? They looked pretty cool and spooky. Cool and spooky at the same time." Bloom pointed back at a cluster of dead oak trees.

Icy sighed. "I said, don't screw around."

"I can't make any promises," Bloom shrugged.

Icy pinched the bridge of her nose. "Let's just get this over with." She turned to look Bloom directly in the eyes. "Now before we even go inside..." she trailed off, making sure that she had Bloom's undivided attention. "Mr. Carlton stated that this was a rather odd case. Apparently his wife is...and I quote...nagging him from beyond the grave."

Bloom gave a snorting laugh, "that's awesome. If I died I'd nag Sky all the time."

"That's nice Bloom." Called Icy from the porch. Bloom hustled to the door just in time to hear the voice of a man around her age speak.

"Thank you very much, for coming here." Or at least that's what Bloom heard from her distance. Within minutes Icy had slipped her slender frame past the moderately ajar door.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait for me!" Bloom exclaimed and wedged her foot in the door before it could close all the way.

"I told you to shut it faster." She heard the ice witch mumble.

Ignoring the comment, Bloom sat herself at the table. "So are we gonna break out the Oujia?"

"That's not necessary. has been more than willing to speak with us. In that short trip up to this house we've already managed to get a solid EVP." Icy replied.

"Eee...Vee...Pee?" Bloom chuckled, "pee."

Icy rolled her eyes, "electric voice phenomenon, the capturing of the supernatural on an audio tape."

"And you called me a dork."

"Have you listened to the tape yet? Can you understand it?" Icy brushed off the commentary.

"Yes." Mr. Carlton replied. "And yes. It's the same as usual; her telling me to clean the house already-of course she's going to user her paranormal powers to do that for me. See!" He pointed to the picture wall, "she's already straightened a few."

"Yes, she's a fairly powerful ghost if she can already move things around..." Icy tapped a perfectly manicured finger to her jawline. "I think we should ask her a few questions, see if she's willing to move on. She's not a vicious spirit, certainly isn't a demon, so this should be easy."

"No! No, I don't want her gone, I just want the nagging and moving of items to stop." Mr. Carlton exclaimed.

"With all due respect Carlton, you do realize that her presence here can attract more beings from the other side. Potentially nasty ones, from poltragist tricksters to dangerous demons. It's better if we get her to cross over."

In the meantime Bloom continued to snoop around the picture wall. Letting her hand briefly fall over each and everyone until she found one that captured her interest. "Whoa! This chick is a real babe. Is this your wife? Totally hot, dude."

"Bloom," Icy growled, "she can hear you."

"Really? Sweet." Bloom looked towards the ceiling. "You are one fine spirit lady. Like really fine." She clicked her tongue a few times while making finger guns at the ceiling."

"She's not even up there." Icy huffed, still staring at the hallway.

"Then where is she?"

"Not. Telling." Icy smirked.

"Okay fine, I'll just figure it out on my own." Bloom pouted.

"You go do that, I'll get back to my work."

"Kay. Have fun with your ghost pee." Bloom smiled lopsidedly.

"Ghost pee? It's called an..."

"EVP. I know." Bloom grinned. "While you try to get her to stop nagging or whateves, I'm gonna hunt down that ghost booty."

Icy played back her recording a few times over. "Yeah, pretty sure she's rejecting your advances and she would like it very much if you just sat down and kept quite for a moment."

"No she didn't! That is not what she said! Let me hear it!" Bloom shouted.

Icy rewound the tape and played it once more.

"Okay yeah she did not say lay off on the advances. She said, I like me fine asses." Bloom declared.

Icy slapped her head against her forehead. "Bloom, you no longer have any right to be surprised if you become possessed."

"What's that? She wants to see me undressed?"

Icy gave her a light whack on the head. "This is the last time I am ever taking you ghost hunting."


End file.
